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Using your bodylanguage and facial expressions to teach children – Mirroring

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Using your bodylanguage and facial expressions to teach children – Mirroring

You are telling your child a story in which you are hoping to teach them a lesson in acceptable behaviour.

Your child is watching you intently.

She is mirroring your emotional reaction to the story, and learning from it.

 A great way to teach children what response is appropriate to a situation is to show them so they can mirror your response and learn.

Social Referencing

Children learn how to react to situations based on their parents’ facial expressions.

This is known to psychologists as “social referencing”.

Apart from “emotional intelligence” as the correct assessment of the emotion being conveyed, social referencing is another hugely important aspect of children’s learning from facial expressions.

In storytelling, children use the emotional intelligence skills that have been developed to identify what your reaction to a given social situation is. This identification will often be by means of your facial expression.

The expressions you portray in reaction to the events of a story as you narrate it, help your child to socially reference that situation and understand how they too, should react to it.

They follow you, their social and emotional guide.

Once your child has correctly assessed your emotion and identified your emotional reaction with a social situation, they start to accumulate a mental “toolkit”.

These are behavioural tools that they use when presented with these social situations in a real environment.

Children do not look to everyone to provide social referencing.

Most often they look to you, their parent.

“…children are more likely to accept information from a trusted source; when a novel ambiguous object, a remote-controlled black spider, was introduced…children were more likely to respond appropriately to their mother’s reactions of fear or of happiness than they were to respond to the stranger’s reactions. That is, they considered the source of the information when deciding whether to accept it.”

Social referencing as a function of information source: Mothers versus Strangers. Infant Behavior & Development.
Zarbatany and Lamb.

You provide the most important visual cues to your child, and so you need to be aware of yourself, and constantly ensure that your emotional reactions to episodes or characters of the story are what you want your child to learn from you.

When your child is very young, stories based around simple emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear and anger and common social situations will teach your child what is OK and what is not Ok.

To play with other children makes the character, and you by proxy, “happy”. However, to refuse to share toys makes the character, and you by proxy, “unhappy” – but when this character eventually agrees to share, happiness is restored.

As your child grows older, and you use more complex emotions and more complex social situations, your child will learn specifics around how to act and react.

If, for example, in your story, the little girl steps on a piece of trash, her reaction may be “Eeew! Yucky!”

Here your facial expression will indicate that this is disgusting, and your child will learn that rubbish in turn is disgusting. Equally, her reaction to the little boy who threw the rubbish might also be disgust. Your child has now learned that rubbish and throwing rubbish onto the ground, are both unfavourable things. The little girl may tell the little boy that throwing rubbish is not allowed, with a happy smile and a kind voice. Your child now understands what attitude to adopt when faced with someone who throws rubbish.

Utilize this knowledge of social referencing as a means to teach your child about situations and emotions they have not yet encountered.

Studies show that a child will not necessarily accept your social referencing response as their own response if they have some experience of the object in question already.

According to one study, children “accepted [social referencing] only when the information did not contradict their own understanding of the situation and of their own abilities.”

Children’s Selective Learning from Others.
Nurmsoo, Robinson & Butterfill

The implication here is clear:

You as a parent need to mold your child’s attitudes and perceptions before they encounter the situation for themselves.

Make sure they adopt your reaction as learned, rather than forming their own opinion first and then rejecting your attitude.

Following on from that, it becomes apparent how important the continuation of storytelling and the use of social referencing is as children grow, as you try to keep apace of their past experiences and attitudes and the attitudes you want to teach for likely future experiences.

Storytelling homework

There’s a lot of evidence to point to just how important facial expression and your ability to remain consistent and believable is to your child’s development and I can put some of the difficulties and arguments with my daughter down as direct consequence of where I/we haven’t been consitent in our attitude/approach and she (quite rightly) is confused or has made up her own mind as to the proper attitude.

In the next couple of weeks:

  • Become aware of the facial gestures you use. Feel when you raise your eyebrows or furrow your brow. Notice when you smile with your mouth and when you smile with your face.
  • Keep an eye open for whom your child seems to trust and use as reference (who do they look/go to when they’re not sure of the situation). This will tell you who your child is using as a social reference. By The Way, this applies throughout life – can you think of a friend/aquiantance who could be described as a “do as I say not as I do” kind of person?
  • When you’re reading books or stories with your kids, notice who the social references are in the book. Which characters seem to take the behavioural lead and which follow? What could you take from those characters and use in your own stories?
  • When telling stories, remember that your response is the reference for your audience, so make sure you’re clear about what you want them to learn from it.

Remember you can head back to the chapter introduction on facial expression and masks in storytelling any time.

Story Telling Training

Facial Expressions and Masks in Storytelling

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The story is written all over your face

Making faces while telling stories is an absolutely essential skill to master as a storytelling technique.

Let’s set the scene…

A great storytelling technique to master: facial gestures and masks

It’s holiday time and the family are camping in the forest, enjoying nature, the outdoors and the fresh air.

As night draws in, the kids wrap themselves in their coats and gather round, closer to the snapping and crackling camp fire; marshmallows speared on the ends of freshly cut sticks from the afternoon’s walk.

Your children gather close, feeling the camaraderie of each other’s presence as they huddle together in anticipation for that timeless camping classic: the ghost story.

As the breeze makes the trees around them shush gently, a hush falls over them and your eyes twinkle as you gaze intently at each of them in turn, setting the mood for the tale.

Your face is a picture of danger, drama and suspense.

You draw a breath, and begin…

 In this chapter on facial expression in storytelling

  • Facing the truth – How and why using facial expressions, gestures and masks are important for our children regardless of them being included in story time.
  • Watching and learning – The importance of facial expression as a way of teaching emotional intelligence.
  • A picture paints a thousand words – How ours and our children’s faces show precisely the emotion behind it and how you can master this to bring a story to life.
  • Toning it down – A cautionary reminder that while we’re aiming to bring our stories to life, sometimes not being real is the just as important. Also a side note on storytelling with children with autism
  • Eye Contact – As a storytelling technique to engage and draw in your audience, eye contact is essential and surprisingly easy to master.

Introduction

Paul Ekman's books are seminary in learning about facial expressions

Paul Ekman’s books and “Facial Action Coding System” (FACS) are well worth finding out more about if you’re interested in bodylanguage and learning to read people (children and adults) more easily.

It is a widely held that the most important and common, and strongest, nonverbal communication is through your facial expressions.

In the art of storytelling, facial expressions are a most crucial companion to how you use your voice.

Lucky they are an innate characteristic of human expression as we speak. So, in this chapter we will explore:

  • Children’s perceptions of facial expressions and why it is so important to use them.
  • Emotional Intelligence – teaching your child to identify emotions from facial expression.
  • Social referencing and how to use it – how your child learns from your facial expressions.
  • Using your face to tell the story and maintain the flow of your story
  • How becoming a caricature of yourself will improve your story and your child’s sense of security.
  • Eye contact – the effects of neglecting this important means of facial expression.

Information at face value

The importance of facial gestures, expressions and masks as storytelling techniques

You’ve just found out you are going to become a parent…

You – you – are going to become a parent!

A waterfall of emotions flood you; excitement, fear and everything in between.

Your partner’s eyes are fixed firmly on you, scouring your face for your reaction, gleaning everything they can from your eyes, your mouth – your expression.

There are tears glistening in your eyes.

Your partner is wondering – are they happy tears or sad tears?

You smile.

Facing the truth

Our emotions are naturally drawn out on our faces and thus are the most important form of non-verbal communication.

Often, words cannot even do justice to the complexity and strength of the feelings you can express with your face.

Facial expressions are such a giveaway to a person’s emotions that sometimes we even try to hide our true feelings by restraining our facial expressions

Without facial expressions, a story becomes a flat, limp narration instead of a magical and engaging tale.

You will look just plain bored and disinterested.

Apart from perhaps feeling a perceived unwillingness to spend time with them, your child will be concentrating on you telling the story, instead of being ‘in’ the story in their imagination.

They will be aware that a story is being told to them – seemingly begrudgingly – instead of being transported off in their imagination, out of their bedroom and into the magical land you are describing.

If your face shows no wonderment, you can’t expect to convince your child that it is wonderful.

Read about the specifics of facial expression and gesture in storytelling

The following are all sections in this chapter. Keep a close eye on your email inbox and read each one in turn and practice the storytelling homework. You’ll never realise just how much goes into a the telling of a story. We have linked in the first section on why facial expression is important in stories and children’s growth for your interest.

  • Facing the truth – How and why using facial expressions are important for our children’s growth.
  • Holding it up – Understanding mirroring and social referencing and their role in storytelling.
  • Watching and learning – Teach emotional intelligence through facial expression in your stories.
  • A picture paints a thousand words – Use your face to paint a picture richer than words in your children’s stories.
  • Toning it down – Finding the balance between story and reality and storytelling with autistic kids.
  • Eye Contact – Master this storytelling technique and you’ll have your audience in the palm of your hand.
Story Telling Training

Why facial expression is important in storytelling

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Why facial expression is important in storytelling

Everybody knows that your facial expression is important in making your stories come to life, but why?

According to a Harvard University study, the ability to understand emotions, known as emotional intelligence, is linked intrinsically to being able to understand facial expression.

“Emotional intelligence—the ‘accurate appraisal and expression of emotions in oneself and others and the regulation of emotion in a way that enhances living’… encompasses a set of interrelated skills and processes. Because the face is the primary canvas used to express distinct emotions nonverbally … the ability to read facial expressions is particularly vital, and thus a crucial component of emotional intelligence.”

Emotional Intelligence and the Recognition of Emotion from facial Expression. Elbenfein, Marsh & Ambady

There are many ways to work with your child to increase emotional intelligence.

For children, one of the optimum ways of learning this skill – the correct appraisal of the feelings of others – is through learning the meanings of facial expressions in stories.

This allows the child to practice identifying and ‘trying on’ facial expressions in a safe environment. They can experiment with fear, with danger, with surprise, with confusion; with jealousy…the list is endless.

Encourage your child to show you the face of the angry lion, of the sad swan, of the happy bear finding the pot of honey.

By doing this, you are teaching and preparing your child for the world around them.

You are helping them to ‘read’ the faces of the people around them, and this in turn helps your child to understand what social behaviours should be encouraged in these situations.

According to a recent study,

“The ability to recognize facial expressions at age 5 has been found to predict later social and academic competence.”

Recognizing Emotion from Facial Expressions: Psychological and Neurological Mechanisms. Ralph Adolphs. University of Iowa College of Medicine.

We all want our children to go out into the world best prepared to deal with the people and society around them.

Therefore we should use facial expressions in storytelling as a means of effectively educating our children to become emotionally developed and aware human beings.

OK, so there’s a lot of techniques and things to know about facial expression in storytelling, so keep an eye on your inbox for the following sections which break it down a bit and give you some key things to focus on:

  • How children mirror our behaviour and how you can use it in storytelling using the power of social referencing
  • How your face tells a story and how to use it (part 1)
  • A picture paints a thousand words – using your face to bring a story to life (part 2)
  • Eye contact in storytelling – can be difficult in a snuggle, but fine tuning it can make a great storyteller
  • Toning down your skills for your audience – you don’t want to overdo it
  • A note on storytelling and children with autism (relevant though not specifically part of this series on storytelling techniques)

You can also return to the chapter introduction – facial expressions and masks in storytelling – at any time

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Storytelling Techniques – Controlling Pitch and Speed

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Using pitch and speed in storytelling

Pitch is the height or depth of the tone used when telling a story.

So for example, a mouse might have a high pitched squeaky voice, but can still express their anger or happiness in their tone within that range.

An elephant might have a very low pitched voice but can still express their excitement or fear in the tone of their voice while retaining that low deep pitch.

Laughter

A great storytelling technique is pitch control - making your voice high or low.

Laughter within a story is very important and when combined with volume, really will illuminate the range of different emotions of the person laughing.

The witch’s laugh is either high pitched and loud, a confident and arrogant laugh.

The child’s high pitched but quiet laugh is a secret laugh behind their hand.

The low pitched loud laugh is the Father Christmas’ belly laugh.

The Gruffalo might have a deep and scary voice…

Volume without pitch will only illustrate half the picture, so play with pitch to spice up your characters and give them defined personalities.

Generally, sloping the pitch of your speech up slightly can also bring a sense of mystery, or in dialogue, it indicates a question. It can also tell your child that you are looking for them to tell you what happens next, if it is a story they are familiar with.

Suspense and climax

Pitch is also a great tool to build suspense and climaxes.

We’ve all heard a horse racing commentary and if we put the speed of it aside (see the next section on speed), the commentator starts off at a reasonably gently tone and speed and as the horses gather speed and progress down the course, the commentary becomes higher and higher pitched as the speed of the horses gets faster and faster and as the tension gets tighter and tighter until the climactic photo finish…

…And we can all breathe again and allow our heart rates to start to relax.

This is the same strategy that can be reused in storytelling to build the suspense and excitement as an important event within the story approaches.

Children love this!

My daughter loves the story “We’re going on a bear hunt” which has a long and slow and fun build up followed by a rapid and exciting run away from the bear they find. It’s huge fun and one of her favourites and one she will recite to me on walks.

Similarly, in a story, when they hear a markedly increasing pitch they will begin to either giggle or sit up straight beside you in excitement as they become totally emotionally and mentally involved, anticipating the big climax.

Speed

A good story keeps a good interesting pace, but there are times when slowing your speed right down can do wonders for your story.

Controlling the speed of your voice when telling a story is a great technique

When your child hears you change from a regular to a markedly slow pace, they know instantly that something is afoot, and will listen attentively to your every word.

Slowing down your vocal speed emphasises the suspense, the fear, the sadness or the wisdom of an old granny. Speeding up your voice is a great and funny way to give a special character a funny voice such as a crazy squirrel, and will keep your child enraptured and giggling.

Variations in the speed of your story also keep your child engaged.

We all know children have relatively short attention spans, and they require variety so mix and match different speeds, tones and pitches to keep them interested or to refocus their attention.

If your child is as snug as a bug in a rug, it’s probably not the best time to tell them a fast paced story as this will make them more alert, and subsequently – awake. A regular or slow pace will encourage the atmosphere of calm, helping your child to relax and consequently, to sleep.

And just as the Big Bad Wolf was about to eat Red Riding Hood….

Pause…

Savour the moment as your child looks deep into your eyes, hanging on your every word and dying to hear your next one.

A well placed pause is a fantastic device for building suspense, intensifying their wonderment and their enjoyment of the story. Be careful though, if a story is “scary” to a young child and you pause, your child may in fact react badly as they are unable to deal with their nervous emotion building up.

Young children need a happy ending, to restore their sense of security and belief that the world is always set to right. If your young child is unsure that what follows the pause is going to do this, they may in fact start crying before you’ve even told them the ending.

You know your child best, so judge what age you believe they can cope with this.

Older children who have some experience of negative feelings cope far better with this, and love the “not knowing”. However, if your story is an adventure, a comedy or a fantastical tale, the well placed pause is your secret weapon and guarantees your child’s delight.

Storytelling Homework

  • Practice, practice practice. I know it’s stupid to say that, but by now you’ll have read quite a lot on here so it’s important that you practice as you go or your kids won’t get the full benefit of you doing this research and learning.
  • Choose a regular story or choose a new book and draw out those moments of suspense or quiet.
  • Can you also use your speed and pitch to emphasise different meanings in stories you’ve read before?

Chapter summary: Using your voice in storytelling – techniques to make the stories magical.

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Storytelling Techniques – Using tone and Emphasis

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Using Tone and Emphasis

Children are especially sensitive to tone when telling stories and we all carry the imprint of our mothers saying our name in a “you’re in trouble buster” tone.

Tone and emphasis are so important and even when you speak at a regular volume, the tone of your voice is the single biggest giveaway to your emotion and the emphasis you give an individual word or phrase can completely change the message.

Tone is how we insert sarcasm into an otherwise straightforward sentence.

A single sentence can take on a multitude of meanings when given different tones and when emphasis is placed at different points. Combined, they illuminate the speaker’s motives, feelings and desires. The last thing you want is for your child to be cuddled in close at bedtime, but feel no warmth from your voice.

What is Emphasis in storytelling?

Let’s start with a brief summary of what emphasis means. The dictionary defines emphasis in storytelling (although it could be in any form of communication) as “special stress laid upon or attached to anything”.

I don’t want to labour the point (would that put undue emphasis on it?), so I’ll just say that for the purposes of this chapter; I’ll be discussing the most direct form of emphasis: Stressing an individual word or phrase in a story using your voice.

Consider this sentence:

“I know how to do it.”

For this exercise to really work, say it out loud.

Now let’s play with the emphasis.

Put the emphasis on the first word.

“I know how to do it.”

Notice the feel of the sentence and the meaning behind the communication.

Now put the emphasis on the second word.

“I know how to do it.”

Continue and put the emphasis on each word in turn and listen to how the meaning and implications in the sames sentence can completely change depending on which word you emphasise and what emotion you put behind it.

“I know how to do it.”

“I know how to do it.”

“I know how to do it.”

“I know how to do it.”

Lastly, repeat the sentence as you did at the start of the exercise. I wonder how much the meaning of that sentence has changed for you now?

Using Tone in storytelling

Tone is, I think, easier to get to grips with than emphasis because it’s easier to see how to put an emotion behind the story.

Let’s use the same sentence we used for tone, but this time let’s experiment with the tone.

“I know how to do it.”

Try saying it in an angry way.

“I know how to do it.”

Did you grit your teeth or pull a face? If you didn’t try it again and see what a difference that makes to the tone of the sentence.

Now say it in a happy way

“I know how to do it.”

Did you smile? Did you cock your head to one side? Maybe you sat up a bit?

Again, try those things and notice the difference. Body language in storytelling is another extremely important factor and there is a whole chapter dedicated to it, but right now, let’s focus on the tone of the sentece.

Lastly, speak the sentence in a monotone, with no change and no emphasis. You will find it is extremely boring as it gives no idea of the speaker’s emotion.

Putting tone and emphasis together as a storytelling technique

If you storytell in a monotonous way, your audience will quickly tune out and probably become unresponsive to your story.

The whole storytelling experience will become a frustration for them instead of a bedtime bonding experience for you and your child.

So you can see how important tone and emphasis are in bringing your story to life as each character varies in tone and emphasis, maintaining the interest in the story.

The tone in which you choose to tell the narrative part of the story will let your child know what type of story you are telling, it may be a somber or scary story, it may be an adventure, it may be a funny story. Your child will recognise it based on your tone.

Practise saying “Once upon a time…” with different tones, to try to set the atmosphere for different types of stories.

How to tell a story by focusing on the storytelling technique of tone and emphasis

Another interesting aspect of tone, is that if you use storytelling to help control your child’s behaviour. Children will very quickly learn to recognise that “warning” tone in your voice when they are misbehaving, as it appears when the bunny rabbit is misbehaving in the story.

Equally, the tone with which you present episodes within the story will inform your child on what behaviour is socially acceptable and encouraged.

Remember that things can happen in stories long before your children experiences them socially for themselves, (such as stealing, bullying or becoming aware of differences in appearance) so this is a particularly important point to keep in mind.

You can prepare your child to recognise social situations and learn how to categorise them as acceptable or not acceptable and how to react according to what they have learned from your presentation of this same situation with your tone in your story. This is particularly important for stories with a moral lesson.

Storytelling homework

Now that you’ve had a bit of experimentation with tone and emphasis, continue to take that awareness into storytime with your children.

  • Focus on the flow of the story and see if you can enhance or dramatise the tale by increasing the emphasis on the key words or phrases.
  • Keep an eye out for the feelings and emotional tones in the story and see if you can bring them out even further by enhancing the tone with which you deliver them.

Remember: You already do this naturally. You’re just tuning your skills and stretching your experience. You may not get these right first time and you may feel silly doing the exercises. Do them and you’ll really enhance your storytelling technique.

Remember, it is not ultimately how you tell the tale that will make it successful, it is how your child hears it.

So above all, use all your faculties to make it wonderful for them – we will discuss in further chapters other ways to do this  –  so bend your voice to suit their ear.

“It is not the voice that commands the story: it is the ear”

Italo Calvino

Chapter summary: Using your voice in storytelling – techniques to make the stories magical.

Next lesson: How to use pitch and speed as a storytelling technique.

Bonus: Checkout this arcticle on using sound effects in storytelling to get some ideas on another excellent storytelling technique.

Story Telling Training

Storytelling Techniques – Focus on your volume

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Using Volume to enhance your storytelling technique

As a storytelling technique, the volume of your voice speaks er… volumes about the emotions you are conveying.

Generally a story is comprised of a narrative along with dialogue between characters, or dialogue representing the thoughts of characters in the story.

So during any story you tell, you will need to change the volume of your voice to match the scenario within the story.

It would be fairly unconvincing if you were whispering while telling the most exciting part of an adventure story right? (Well unless of course it happens to be while the mice a sneaking past the sleeping cat…)

Controlling the volume knob is extremely important in how to tell a story

You also use the volume of your voice to reflect the type of story you are telling, to build the atmosphere and mood, as we have already discussed.

The volume of your voice can also differentiate for your child’s ear, which character you are portraying in the story. This is especially important when the story is your own and there are no pictures for the child to follow.

Remember too that at bedtime, you most likely want to soothe your child into a tranquil, happy state, and not make them too excited or agitated so they become wide awake, when you are expecting them to drop off to the land of nod soon after! Check out the following page if you want help finding some suitable bedtime story books. This also will be managed by both your volume and your tone, which we will look at a little later.

Setting the volume for your story scenarios

  • A loud booming voice is often used to voice big animals, grown men characters or a character expressing surprise or anger.
  • A low quiet voice is often used to voice small animals such as mice, shy little girls and boys or a character expressing sadness, confusion, fear or wisdom.
  • An even, normal volume is mostly used during happy, interesting and amused speech. It is also best for the parts of the narrative between the dialogue, to distinguish this from characters talking. Don’t forget to raise or lower your volume as you approach eventful episodes within the story, as appropriate. It raises your child’s anticipation for what is to come and leaves them hanging on your every word.
  • Volume in laughter also portrays the type of laugh appropriate to a character…a mischievous witch, for example, would have a loud cackle, while a character who has played a sneaky trick would probably have a low secret laugh to himself. So don’t forget to adjust the volume of laughter according to your story.
  • Whispering parts of the dialogue is a very effective means of lowering your volume to show nervousness, fear, danger or characters simply being mischievous.

As I hope you are starting to see; the elements of voice control in storytelling technique is hard to adress as a single element. You can’t address volume without also talking about tone and emphasis in your story recital (which is the next lesson).

Storytelling homework

  • Now you need to do something counter-intuitive: Do what you’re not supposed to. Speak loudly when the story is describing something quiet and speak quietly when something big or bold or loud is happening in the story. This will give you an idea of how uncomfortable it can be when it’s not right. It will also help you become aware of your own natural use of volume.
  • Now for the easier bit: Read a few stories with your kids and just be aware of the volumes that you use naturally.
  • Lastly, now that you’ve a good focus on what you do naturally, you can start to emphasise the volume in the right places . See what difference it makes to your child’s enjoyment of and engagement in the story.

Chapter summary: Using your voice in storytelling – techniques to make the stories magical.

in the next section: How best to tell a story by using tone and emphasis

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Storytelling Techniques – Focus on your voice

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Using your voice to it’s full potential

In terms of storytelling techniques, how to use your voice is possibly the first thing people think of when talking about how to tell stories and tales.

Unsurprisingly a bit of training on the best and most effective ways to use your voice during a story recital is also one of the easiest ways to really bring the tale to life for your listener(s).

Spending some time on using your voice when reading or telling children's stories

In this Chapter on using your voice when telling or reading stories with your kids

  • How to use the volume and why it is important to use it at the right time.
  • The use of tone and emphasis in storytelling and how you can use both to achieve completely different meanings.
  • Give your characters distinct personalities and separate them clearly by using pitch.
  • You’ll be amazed at how much changing the speed of the tale can add depth and help illustrate an otherwise verbal story.
  • I have a bonus that fits in here as well – Should you or should you not introduce sound effects?

Draw your audience into the story with you

Have a listen to advertisements on the radio or the TV.

Compare the difference in technique between say, the voiceover used to promote luxury beds and the voiceover used to promote sales of electronic gadgets at your nearest dealer.

Advertising companies are only too aware of the importance of the sound of the voice as part of creating the “mood”. The “mood” makes the listener anticipate and accept more readily what is being said.

You will hear a soft, gentle and relaxing voice that wants to soothe you into a tranquil state to sell the luxury bed – the voice in itself is promising you a good night’s sleep. Whereas the voice for the electronic gadgets advert will be loud, excited and high pitched, trying to excite you off your sofa and down to the store.

The way you modulate your voice portrays your emotion and stimulates a reactive emotion in your audience. This reactive emotion is what draws your child into the story. They “feel” the story and remain encapsulated in it, away from reality, charmed and enchanted by the sound of your voice.

Now we will go on to explore how you can modulate your voice to effectively tell stories and stimulate the required emotions. If you follow the tips in this chapter, you can look forward to a future of affectionate evenings, with your child tucked up cosily in beside you, and falling asleep happily after a fantastical story.

Becoming aware of your own abilities and just keeping an eye or ear open for when you’re naturally using these storytelling techniques is the most important step in learning how to tell a story. Read each of the articles on the links below and make sure you follow any homework given to really get the most out of your time.

Storytelling technique focus

So now we’ve introduced the concept, you’ll be keen to be given some homework right? Well, first of all lets set a focus. Read the following section on controlling the volume of your voice in storytelling and follow (and practice) the suggested homework at the bottom.

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Childrens stories are good for the soul

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Children’s stories are good for the soul

We are all told through the media and parenting magazines that story time is very important and that (depending on which study you read) a minimum of 15-20 minutes a day or reading time is essential to helping our children develop. Other benefits that are perhaps a little less obvious or publicised :

Stories provide a “safe” environment in which to explore strong emotions and situations

The stories we share with our children provide a safe environment for them to explore the world

Your child lives in a world of unknowns where each day is filled with new learning experiences.

As they grow they are faced not only with the scary world around them, but new social situations as they encounter new friends, lose friends, attend school, learn what criticism is from their peers and learn to speak up for themselves.

It is a constant “trial by error” situation without the maturity or adult skills to deal with these pressures.

Adults get frustrated when they cannot succeed immediately, and we (try to) live by the old adage “if you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

If we adults get frustrated, imagine how your child must be feeling! Children do not have this same adult ability to cope with failure and rejection.

By being aware of this and sharing stories which mirror their experiences, you can help your kids relate to characters they can identify with. They can learn to express their emotions through these characters, and ask questions on how the characters act. Our children can in turn understand how to deal with these turbulant feelings.

Another added benefit to this type of story is that your child learns what is “normal” and that certain negative feelings are “OK” to express and needn’t be hidden.

You can also use the mirror effect in the story to discover your child’s emotions without risk of being humiliated or worse.

Ask your child about the character in the story : “And how do you think Charlie the dog feels?”  You may be surprised by the response you get!

 

Stories deal with the emotions your child is already having, but is struggling to handle or communicate

So you understand that your child is silently worried or fearful in a given situation, but you’re not sure she knows how to deal with or communicate how they’re feeling.

Stories provide children a safe place to deal with the emotions they are feeling

How do you address that?

Children often remain silent, avoiding eye contact and evading direct questions on how they feel. Other children may “play up” or constantly throw tantrums…

Why?The reason is because the child does not know if it is wrong or right to feel this way, and they are afraid they will be humiliated or disciplined for their feelings.

They also have trouble vocalising the fear itself, as this just provokes their anxious uncomfortable feelings. For younger children, they may not even know what the “feeling” is, just that it’s very strong and they don’t like it.

Stories are a great way to personify their fears and worries as “monsters” that can be overcome and even befriended, so that objects of fear or worry can be diminished with patterns of thought and behaviour trained through a character’s reactions.

Stories can be used to avoid tantrums and confrontation while getting your children to behave

As we’ve discovered through this introduction already, our children identify and learn from characters and situations in stories. You can use your story to teach your child what behaviour is acceptable and not acceptable.

It’s bath time.

Your daughter is point blank refusing to get undressed for the bath.

You’re both getting frustrated and you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks as you start to get angry.

“GET IN THE BATH” you bellow at her.

She bursts into tears and runs from the room, buying herself under the duvet on the bed.

You’re cross, she’s upset and she’s STILL not in the bath!

It doesn’t have to be like this!

It’s bath time.

Your daughter is point blank refusing to get undressed for the bath.

Taking a calm breath, you start telling her about little Princess Elizabeth who loved to be filthy dirty…

… A couple of minutes and a short, carefully targeted, story later…

“Quack Quack” says your daughter as she has one of the baby ducks rescuing the other from the foam as they all frolic in the bath…

That is a real-life example of one situation where I was able to swallow my natural frustration and impatience and help us both out with a short story (that she actually asked me to repeat).

A well delivered story can create real and profound behaviour changes in children if crafted and delivered in the right way.

Stories build connection and understanding between you

Children love stories and they love spending time with their parents. Combine the two and you are creating wonderful childhood memories

Children are sponges for love and affection.

They absorb as much as they can and still come back for more.

Storytelling is more than just a story for a child : It’s a physical closeness with their protector and their source of love, as you sit tight beside them on their bed at bedtime.

It is being given that all important attention.

The child is often indecisive at bedtime about which story they want read to them, and usually you will find they will try to pick the longest story they can find, or else keep requesting another and another.

It’s tempting to think that they’re just trying to delay having to go to bed and to sleep. It’s not!

Your amazing, wonderful, loving son or daughter just wants to be with you for as long as possible.

The story itself is less important than your company! So use this time, whether short or long to bond with your child.

Storytelling opens up an opportunity for you to delight all their senses and imagination and leave them with happy thoughts and a warm fuzzy feeling before they curl up to sleep.

We will explore further how to make the best advantage of all your faculties to appeal to all their senses in the next lessons.

Remember, you do this naturally in conversation with your friends, it’s just as easy, if not easier, to do this with your child.

Remember your childhood? You’re in your son or daughter’s!

Can you remember being told a story as a child? Is it something that you look back on with rosy nostalgia like mine from the start of this introduction?

Storytelling is a special type of activity that your child will love, and will become happy memories in your child’s mind that they too will carry forward into their adult life and then on into their children’s (your grandchildren!).

We all want that for our children right??

It is also a great way for you as a parent to enjoy the precious time you have with your child while they are young. Those years seem to fly by and all too soon your child will stop asking for a story, so enjoy the opportunity while you have it.

Enjoy what is to come, put some of the ideas and suggestions from this course into story time with them and I know you’ll all appreciate it.

In Summary

Children’s stories go way beyond the basics of helping develop language and understanding and sit at the core of the family way of life. They enable our kids to explore ideas and feelings, discover ways of communicating their emotions and bring you closer together both physically and emotionally.

Homework for becoming a better storyteller :

  • Look out for the deeper meanings in the story you read. Not just the “moral”, but also the environment. Is it humans or animals in the story? Are they in the real world, or a fantasy world? What mechanisms can you spot that keeps the audience safe from the events in the story?
  • Be aware of the emotional elements in the story. What are they? How are they communicated? How are they dealt with? One book I read with my daughter is “Happy Birthday, Blue Kangaroo!” which has covers several key emotions including rejection and acceptance and communicates them from two points of view and then goes on to address the feelings very well.
  • Easier said than done, next time your son or daughter is throwing a wobbly, have a think about some of the stories you know and see if you can think of one that would be a parallel for the current situation. Not the wobbly, but the emotional reason behind it.
  • Think about how your children will remember story time for the rest of their lives and in turn use it as a model for story time with their own kids. Make the most of the time and continue to make story time the best time.
  • Enjoy storytime with your children! We want you to become a better storyteller, but if it’s not fun for you, it’s never going to happen, so do what you can, when you can and forgive yourself for not getting it perfect first time.

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Story Telling Training

Why tell magical stories to our children

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Can you imagine a world without storytelling?

Take a moment and try and imagine that now. I bet you can’t.

Stories are an integral part of culture and growing up. Without them, the world would be a very sterile place

 

If you could imagine such a world, it would probably bring to mind a more sterile and rigid society, where the imagination is restrained, leaving a vacuum where dreams and hope should be (I do believe there is a film out there that already explores this).

The truth is that stories are a part of human everyday life because the life of each person is their personal story.

As we learn from the adventures and experiences in our own lives, so too we learn from the stories and tales of the adventures (both real and fictional) of others. It is the compressed and emotional content of these stories that is the most fundamental benefit of storytelling for children. Stories are a fantastical reflection of life, where anything is possible!

You are already a natural storyteller…

Think about this : Could even the gossip we have over a cup of tea or a pint could be classified as a story? Whether true or false, do we not usually embellish it?

Give it added humour?

A tone of suspicion?

A pause of anticipation…

We love to deliver a juicy morsel, and to see the appreciative response, the laugh, the shock.

So, whether you know it or not, you are already a natural storyteller.

Become aware of your own natural ability, hone and finesse this skill and you’ll communicate effectively, successfully and enjoyably with your son or daughter.

Continue and discover why I should tell stories to my child.

Why should I tell stories to my child?

“…children no longer grow up within the security of an extended family, or of a well-integrated community. Therefore, even more than at the times fairy tales were invented, it is important to provide the modern child with images of heroes who have to go out into the world by themselves and who, although originally ignorant of the ultimate things, find secure places in the world by following their right way with deep inner confidence.”

Sharing stories with children helps us share our experience and teach our kids about the world

Bruno Bettelheim, The Use of Enchantment

In the society we live in, “family” is very often only known to the child as the people under the roof of their home.

It is nowadays a much smaller group of people, from whom they must extract their knowledge of the world, their examples of acceptable behaviour, their moral code and their source of love.

It is our responsibility to as parents, family, educators to make up for this change in society and culture for our children.

Stories open a world where there are endless examples from which children can learn from and follow.

 

Stories for children are usually of three types :

  • Stories that communicate messages or morals as a way of educating your child.
  • Adventures designed to purely amuse and stimulate your child’s imagination.
  • Tales designed to present the world “as it is”, to broaden your child’s awareness of the world around them.

All these types of stories serve a purpose, whether they are purely for pleasure, to soothe your child’s fears or to educate them. Think of a story as a vehicle between you and your child.

What you choose to load that vehicle with will impress deeply upon your child’s formative mind, so choose wisely.

Homework for becoming a better storyteller

This first lesson has some easy homework for you to become a better story teller : simply observe.

  • Listen to other people reciting their experiences and put them in a “story telling” context. Listen to how the form the story. Listen to what works and what doesn’t work to make the story better/funnier/scarier/more shocking.
  • Become aware of when you’re sharing your experiences with others and see if you can spot how you embelish your own tales of adventure and mischief (assuming you get up to mischief that is).

Keep an eye on your inbox for the next lesson and in the mean time, why not browse the site a little and see what other storytelling advice and ideas you can find.

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Story Telling Training

Magical Storytelling – Introduction to telling stories with kids

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Supercharge story time and become the master storyteller

Thank you for signing up to receive this free course helping you make story time the best time.

I’d like to take this first piece to talk us through why we’re here and if I may, before we dive into the good stuff of the storytelling techniques and methods, tell you a brief story…

I’m seven.

Gran is here and it’s dark outside on a cold winter afternoon.

The fire will be lit soon and there’s the possibility of roast chestnuts later.

The dogs are curled up on their beds, noses tucked under their tails, and I’m snuggled on the sofa next to my sisters with the blanket from the dressing up box wrapped around us.

It’s story time and my sister’s and I already know the story that Gran is going to read to us. We’re in that magical place of half excitement and anticipation of the adventure to come and yet also sleepy, warm and full of an unusual snugglyness that makes me feel closer to my sisters than at any other time of my childhood.

There’s something about the way Gran reads the stories that makes them somehow more real than the ones they read at school. Somehow more fun that the ones that Dad reads and somehow more vivid and clear than even the ones Mum reads at bed time.

bedtime storytelling with children and the family time that stories create.

What is it that makes story time with Gran so different from story time with anyone else?

What is it about the way she tells tales of fun and adventure that will make me drop whatever chaos I’ve been engrossed in and come running, ready to be completely quiet and calm and loving?

Now, I have a daughter of my own and I am discovering just how wonderful it is to be telling and creating worlds and fantastical adventures that capture her and whisk her off to the world of imagination.

Can you imagine a world without storytelling? follow the link read the first lesson in this course and find out why stories are so important to us